Tuesday, May 12, 2015

That Time He Hurt My Feelings...

Here’s the thing…this post is REAL. I will be leaving out some specifics, but the overall point will be made. Maybe I shouldn’t post about a problem that we’re having in our marriage, but maybe it will strike a chord with someone reading and be encouraging to them. I also want to say, that I know in the grand scheme of problems, there are FAR WORSE problems that husbands and wives face and have to go through together. Some may laugh at the pettiness, but everyone has their problems. They may be small or huge, but they’re still a big deal for those dealing with them.

Marriage is good most days. In fact it’s great and I LOVE it. But every now and then, you hit a speedbump or perhaps even a pothole, it throws things off course and marriage can become HARD.

Such has been life for the past week. (Again, just keeping it real on here and in hopes that it encourages someone else.)

Last week, Stephen made a comment that didn’t sit well with me, but overall, it wasn’t a big deal, in fact an hour or so later I had forgotten what he had even said…but it was the starting point. Then the next day, he made another comment….that stung at first and then just got worse from there. By no means, did he say it intentionally to hurt my feelings, but it did. It struck the chord of an insecurity that I’ve had the majority of my life. So, to hear your husband say it, it’s just amplified and made 10 times worse than it should be.

I don’t get my feelings hurt very easily, and like I said, I KNOW he didn’t set out to do that. His intentions were to be helpful and out of concern for me and another situation we are going through. (As if this post isn’t vague enough to begin with…there’s another piece of unidentified info to add into the mix.) As much as I knew and understood his intentions, it didn’t matter. I was hurt. I was worried. I was scared. I was instantly on guard and felt like I was being placed under a microscope. I felt inadequate.

And such has been life for the past week. It’s not been easy. It’s not been pleasant for either of us. Because I’ve been so upset, any little thing he’s done that could annoy me, HAS annoyed me. I haven’t wanted to talk to him at times. I haven’t even wanted to be around him part of the time. I was hurt. 

We attended several family functions over the weekend and tried to put our best games faces on, but certain family members have been able to tell that something’s just not right. They’ve asked us, “is everything ok? are you ok?” I smile and nod…”everything’s fine.”

I never questioned my love for him for a second during these past 7 days. I knew eventually I would get over it. But, how? How do I get over this one? How do I forget something so hurtful that in my mind attacked the strongest insecurity I’ve had most of my life? He told me something on his mind, something he believes…..how do I get over knowing that he thinks that about me? I’ve asked myself no less than a few hundred times these past few days, How?

We’ve talked to each other until we’re talking in circles repeating the same things over and over. He has apologized profusely and feels horrible about the whole situation. I’ve prayed multiple times every day for God to help me and strengthen me and show me the way to get over this. Show me the answer to my “How?”.

I always read my bible before I go to sleep each night. Occasionally for convenience sake, I use a Bible app on my phone. Last night I grabbed my phone, opened the app and the “Verse of the Day” on the home screen was Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God.”

Forgiveness. The verse intrigued my interest. I opened up and back-tracked to the beginning of the chapter and began reading.

The chapter is Paul’s charge to the church in Ephesus regarding their Christian living. He speaks on various qualities they should have and examples they should be setting forth, as well as things they should be on the lookout for from others trying to do harm to them and the church.  

The great thing about the Bible is, there’s always a place to make application in your own life. That’s where the last 4 verses of this particular chapter hit me. Ephesians 4:29-32.

29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

This is the answer to my “How?”! I bet you I read those four verses over and over again last night at least 20-30 times and again several times this morning.

These verses speak to both Stephen and I for our roles individually & collectively in what has been the hardest week of our marriage so far. (And if this has been the “hardest”, then we’re doing pretty good in the grand scheme of “problems”.)

I understand it may not work for everyone, but that’s how I’m going to get over this hurdle. I’m going to repeat these verses to myself all day and all night. I’m going to believe in them and live them. I’m going to love my husband and know that sometimes, he just doesn’t think things through before he speaks & SOMETIMES he’s just not Mr. Smooth with his words. I know that he loves me fiercely and always will. I am going to believe that this hard week will teach us a lesson for years to come. I’m going to believe that I am enough.

What about you? How do you handle problems in your relationships and marriage? Have you ever had Scripture just smack you in the face when  you needed it the most?

Do you speak words to each other that are helpful and build each other up? Do you hold on to bitterness, rage, and anger? Are you kind and compassionate to one another? Do you forgive?

Next time you have an argument or hit one of those potholes in your relationship or marriage, start flipping those pages in your Bible….you’ll find something that speaks to you and will help you and guide you. God’s word never fails!

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