Here’s the thing…this post is REAL. I will be
leaving out some specifics, but the overall point will be made. Maybe I
shouldn’t post about a problem that we’re having in our marriage, but
maybe it will strike a chord with someone reading and be encouraging to
them. I also want to say, that I know in the grand scheme of problems,
there are FAR WORSE problems that husbands and wives face and have to go
through together. Some may laugh at the pettiness, but everyone has
their problems. They may be small or huge, but they’re still a big deal
for those dealing with them.
Marriage
is good most days. In fact it’s great and I LOVE it. But every now and
then, you hit a speedbump or perhaps even a pothole, it throws things
off course and marriage can become HARD.
Such has been life for the past week. (Again, just keeping it real on here and in hopes that it encourages someone else.)
Last
week, Stephen made a comment that didn’t sit well with me, but overall,
it wasn’t a big deal, in fact an hour or so later I had forgotten what
he had even said…but it was the starting point. Then the next day, he
made another comment….that stung at first and then just got worse from
there. By no means, did he say it intentionally to hurt my feelings, but
it did. It struck the chord of an insecurity that I’ve had the majority
of my life. So, to hear your husband say it, it’s just amplified and
made 10 times worse than it should be.
I
don’t get my feelings hurt very easily, and like I said, I KNOW he
didn’t set out to do that. His intentions were to be helpful and out of
concern for me and another situation we are going through. (As if this
post isn’t vague enough to begin with…there’s another piece of
unidentified info to add into the mix.) As much as I knew and understood
his intentions, it didn’t matter. I was hurt. I was worried. I was
scared. I was instantly on guard and felt like I was being placed under a
microscope. I felt inadequate.
And
such has been life for the past week. It’s not been easy. It’s not been
pleasant for either of us. Because I’ve been so upset, any little thing
he’s done that could annoy me, HAS annoyed me. I haven’t wanted to talk
to him at times. I haven’t even wanted to be around him part of the
time. I was hurt.
We
attended several family functions over the weekend and tried to put our
best games faces on, but certain family members have been able to tell
that something’s just not right. They’ve asked us, “is everything ok?
are you ok?” I smile and nod…”everything’s fine.”
I
never questioned my love for him for a second during these past 7 days.
I knew eventually I would get over it. But, how? How do I get over this
one? How do I forget something so hurtful that in my mind attacked the
strongest insecurity I’ve had most of my life? He told me something on
his mind, something he believes…..how do I get over knowing that he
thinks that about me? I’ve asked myself no less than a few hundred times
these past few days, How?
We’ve
talked to each other until we’re talking in circles repeating the same
things over and over. He has apologized profusely and feels horrible
about the whole situation. I’ve prayed multiple times every day for God
to help me and strengthen me and show me the way to get over this. Show
me the answer to my “How?”.
I
always read my bible before I go to sleep each night. Occasionally for
convenience sake, I use a Bible app on my phone. Last night I grabbed my
phone, opened the app and the “Verse of the Day” on the home screen was
Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God.”
Forgiveness. The verse intrigued my interest. I opened up and back-tracked to the beginning of the chapter and began reading.
The
chapter is Paul’s charge to the church in Ephesus regarding their
Christian living. He speaks on various qualities they should have and
examples they should be setting forth, as well as things they should be
on the lookout for from others trying to do harm to them and the church.
The
great thing about the Bible is, there’s always a place to make
application in your own life. That’s where the last 4 verses of this
particular chapter hit me. Ephesians 4:29-32.
29 Do
not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is
helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may
benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of
God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid
of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with
every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one
another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
This
is the answer to my “How?”! I bet you I read those four verses over and
over again last night at least 20-30 times and again several times this
morning.
These
verses speak to both Stephen and I for our roles individually &
collectively in what has been the hardest week of our marriage so far.
(And if this has been the “hardest”, then we’re doing pretty good in the
grand scheme of “problems”.)
I
understand it may not work for everyone, but that’s how I’m going to
get over this hurdle. I’m going to repeat these verses to myself all day
and all night. I’m going to believe in them and live them. I’m going to
love my husband and know that sometimes, he just doesn’t think things
through before he speaks & SOMETIMES he’s just not Mr. Smooth with
his words. I know that he loves me fiercely and always will. I am going
to believe that this hard week will teach us a lesson for years to come.
I’m going to believe that I am enough.
What
about you? How do you handle problems in your relationships and
marriage? Have you ever had Scripture just smack you in the face when
you needed it the most?
Do
you speak words to each other that are helpful and build each other up?
Do you hold on to bitterness, rage, and anger? Are you kind and
compassionate to one another? Do you forgive?
No comments
Your comment will be visible after approved by the author.