One Year

On Monday, October 2nd, our girls turned 1. 

All the clichés are true. Babies don’t keep. Don’t blink. Time goes by so fast. I could go on.

They’re all true.

Unfortunately.

The number one question we’ve been asked this past year has been, “How is it having twins?” My answer has remained the same from day one. “It’s all we know. They’re good babies.” They are good babies and have been from the start. They’ve been good eaters and good sleepers (except for months 8, 9 and some of 10 but you quickly forget that once they start sleeping again!). They never cried much and for preemies have been relatively healthy.

It’s been a good year, but I will be the first to admit, it’s been a stressful year. Just adjusting to life with children, adjusting our individual lives and our marriage life…it’s been hard. Some friends of ours told us while I was pregnant that the first year was the hardest on their marriage. I can 100% agree to that statement now having our first year with kids under our belt. Some months were good, some months were awful. The awful has been behind us for some time now, it was truly just a phase brought on by frustrations and sleep deprivations.

I spent the better part of last week gathering a year’s worth of photos and organizing them in albums. It’s hard to remember back to the girls being as little as they were, but yet it feels like yesterday. The 2+ weeks they spent in the hospital, I literally thought at that time were never going to end. We had no definite “going home” dates. I felt hopeless and wondered hourly WHEN will they come home, WHEN are they going to get better, ARE they going to get well enough to come home. I was filled with so much worry and feelings of helplessness. I’m sure this was all normal feelings and emotions to feel given our situation at the time. I knew the girls were in good hands and receiving great care; it was just all so sudden and unexpected. I wasn’t prepared to deal with an early delivery and preemie babies that needed extra care. I was naïve enough to think we’d make it to 37ish weeks and everything would be just fine and normal. I reminded myself daily, God’s plans are greater than mine.

I’ve always known I wanted to be a mom. Granted, I assumed that would happen well before I was 33. Again, God’s plans…

What I didn’t know was HOW MUCH I would LOVE being a mom. There is something to be said about the first moment you hear YOUR baby and then see YOUR baby. You are instantly changed and instantly a different person. Yes, I carried those babies in my womb all those months and certainly loved them, but the immediate love when you first see and touch that sweet child…there is NOTHING like it. You immediately want the absolute best for that tiny human and know that you’ll do whatever it takes to provide them with that. This tiny baby who’s done absolutely nothing for you, nothing for society, nothing for themselves….yet you’re ready to lay down your own life in a moment’s notice for that baby.

When they’re not right in front of me, I think about the girls ALL the time. Literally. ALL the time. Again, I’m sure this is normal behavior. Right? Please tell me I’m right and not just strangely obsessed with my children. Everything I do I do for them. Everything I plan for, I plan with them in mind.

When asked what advice I would give to new moms, I preach on routine and schedule every chance I get. I’m a firm believer that those two things have been absolutely vital for us. We know without fail we better have a bottle ready for them around 8:30 am, 12:30 pm, 4:30pm and 7:30 pm. We better have food ready for them at 7:30am, 11:30am and 5:30pm. There’s not much wiggle room for us, but we’ve adapted schedules and we make it work.

They are good babies. They are smart, funny, FULL of personality. They make each other laugh and get excited to see the other when they’ve not been in the same room for 5 minutes or so. This may be my favorite part about them as sisters at this point. They know they have a mate. They rely on each other already. Sure not every day has been sunshine and roses, but not a single day has been taken for granted. I’ve said it a million times in the last year, these girls are our answered prayer. The TWO that God knew we needed when we just planned for one. I look at these two and I think about their brother or sister we lost before them. I think about how old that baby would be now. I think that if we had that first one here with us, we may not have our two girls now. God’s plans…

My heart aches for the friends and acquaintances who aren’t able to have children or who are struggling with having children or who are at in impasse with their spouse on whether to grow their family or not. It may be of no consolation, but my life…our family…is the perfect example of God’s handiwork, His plans, His timing, His faithfulness, His will.

To my precious Amelia Gentry and Mae Parker, you girls will never know the pure JOY you bring into my life…and into the lives of so many others. You are the best part of me. Being your mom is my favorite thing in the world. I pray that you continue to grow in good health, knowledge, love and service to others, compassion, truthfulness, loyalty, hospitality, friendship and gratitude. We have a lifetime to teach you all those things, but I hope my daily example to you is the best lesson I can give. God has blessed us unimaginably already; I can’t wait to share the rest of my days with you. Forever isn’t long enough.  I love you girls more than you will ever know! Happy 1^st Birthday my sweet daughters!!